Spiritual Insights – Day 19

Day 19 – A Journey of My Spiritual Experiences   (Listen while you read) 

Tom and Jerry
Tom and Jerry
Created in 1940
by William Hanna and Joseph Barbera

And on went the journey. Little by little I improved.  A.A. had welcomed me into its fold; and I appreciated the warmth. I bathed in this luxury, as I’ve mentioned, for 6 very fruitful years. The souls I met were generous with their time, their energy, their experiences, and their love. Yes, once again I found love. A few I remember with such love. One such man I was reminded of recently. He had taken me to see ‘The Fly’; a movie which featured during 1986. I was so terrified by this film (I haven’t ever been a lover of ‘fright’ movies). He held my arm and we both cringed together at the sight of a man becoming a fly; a very distasteful fly! He (Duncan), a man in his eighties who had been in the fellowship for some 30 years, was about as distraught by the viewing as I had been. I was so unnerved by the film I cancelled our dinner and headed for home. It is hard for me to even imagine today that such a film could reduce me to such a state; and yet, it did; such was my state of mind.

There were many others who assisted me and saw my fragility. There were also others who were a little threatened by my sobriety. Little did they know that I did not have a problem with drinking, or not drinking. For me it was a case of mental health and getting myself back to being able to see again. I had lost the ability to see within my mind’s eye. I had always been a visual. I talked visually; I thought visually; I dreamed visually. If something was being explained to me I would see it in my mind’s eye. The days of over consumption of alcohol had taken that from me. I was without my known method of appreciating life and the various states of being in which life took one. I was like a ship on an ocean without a rudder; a plane in the sky flying upside down.  How incredibly lost I was without my known appreciation of life. I had to ‘think’ things through for I had lost my ‘knowing’. I didn’t know this until it was taken; however, I began to realise (even more than I already knew) just how different I was. Yes, life without my usual senses to guide me was horrendous. The alcohol had removed so many things from my life; both external and internal. A healthy respect grew and grew.

Over the next few years meditating; going to A.A. meetings; gingerly allowing myself to re-introduce some sense of normality into my life began the process, not only of sobriety and all of the structure that brought to me; but, also the re-conditioning of my thinking processes and the manner in which I mentally constructed my world. Oh, how lost I was without these innate processes; and oh how difficult it was to live without them.

The first time I dreamed again in colour I awoke with such a feeling of joy. I was so very afraid I wouldn’t do that again. Oh, how I prayed that I would; it was such a delight. Over the next few years I began the return to being a visual.

I can remember being in an A.A. meeting when someone mentioned Tom & Jerry. Suddenly a movie started playing in my head; I was viewing a cartoon of Tom & Jerry. The tears whelmed over; just as I feel this day thinking upon it. The tears, and my throat. Oh, the pain and the ecstasy of remembrance. Such a joy to remember. I had begun the journey back to me; a me that loved to love and see things in my own mind that no one else could see. Selfish it’s true; however, I am so glad to be me. My head holds such delights. I enjoy being me and I was seeing this again after being bereft of me for so many years. It was getting better and better; just as I’d always thought it would be.

Carolyn Page  –  ABC of Spirit Talk

Should you wish to continue to read Spiritual Insights – Day 20 here is the link.

4 thoughts on “Spiritual Insights – Day 19

    1. Why Thank You ever so much, delightful Resa!
      Yes, today I believe that my body, mind and spirit are in a very good place.
      I have been inspired by my guidance to write a little about myself and I’m finding it quite cathartic. …! 🙂

  1. Pingback: Spiritual Insights – Day 18 | ABC of Spirit Talk

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