In May of 2013 I was advised by The Collective Consciousness (The C.C.) that I was to stop posting on WordPress. I stopped, though with some reservations.
I’d enjoyed my time posting and connecting with many. It had been the best, and most, I’d ever related and communicated with others in my life. It was difficult to let go. It wasn’t long before I found the reason why.
During August and September of 2013 I suffered illness in the form of flu-like symptoms that lingered and made life difficult. Our dancing suffered; we could no longer compete, as we had for some five years. Social dance became harder; I was losing power, so to speak. I couldn’t hold up my arms, and my legs weren’t carrying me as once they did. I didn’t convey any of this to my life partner, Keith; I didn’t want to alarm him.
Saturday 28th September, 2013. This was the date of the South Pacific Dance Championships; a meet we generally looked forward to. I’d told Keith, during that week, I probably wouldn’t be able to go. Naturally, he was very disappointed.
Saturday arrived to find us at home. Through his disappointment Keith asked if I’d like to go into Newcastle for lunch. I agreed, though felt dizzy and decidedly ill. During the drive my heart started to race. I felt pain in my arms and legs, yet my hands seemed numb. Suffice to say I felt I could be having a stroke.
Keith drove me to Newcastle hospital. My blood pressure was taken. It read 275/180.
Then began a series of nine hospital emergency events over the next three months. I was, over that period, subjected to every test available, from scans to blood tests. Nothing. Absolutely nothing could be found. Two MRI scans of my brain confirmed I hadn’t had a stroke. My kidneys, liver; in fact, all my organs were in good working order, and blood tests displayed a very healthy profile. My family doctor, the specialist cardiologist, and neurologists were at a loss.
The dizziness grew worse, and eventually I couldn’t stand. Everyday chores became impossible. I became dependent upon Keith (and my daughter, Veronica) to wash my hair and to help with other personal tasks. Keith became housecleaner and cook, whilst I spent days in bed; many days numbering into months.
The C.C. spent time with me; though, like Keith and Veronica, they could not be with me every moment of every day. I was alone for the most part; alone with my thoughts. Were it not for the work I’d done upon myself, during the past many years, I could have been a lost cause. However, my strength lay in the foundation I’d set.
In retrospect, it remains the most difficult stage of my life. I was plagued by doubts and grievances. Negatives entered my mind with rapid succession; indeed it lay upon me as a heavy blanket. This may seem a metaphor, and yet it wasn’t. I couldn’t, for the most part, lift my arms, or any part of my body; the negativity secured me literally to the mattress.
Speaking became difficult. Every thing needs energy as I soon discovered; even speaking. Occasionally I was given the energy necessary to use my IPad or WordPress. It was during one such event The C.C. advised we would write. Thus began the series of our free books.
Looking back, Keith mentioned the first year had been the worst; the second year had been easier. During the second year I couldn’t stand easily nor well. The neurologist had found my balance system was out of sync. That is; my eyes, ears, and all balance receptors throughout my body were working; however, they were not talking to each other correctly.
Then began physiotherapy exercises, which helped immediately; though insufficient for me to regain normal life. One year later, with a vastly different view of life, I began to feel somewhat normal.
It was early December, 2015. The C.C. had advised, about 15 months earlier, I would be having a holiday abroad. Most importantly, to me; they’d guaranteed the illness and all its limitations would be a memory only.
“Get ready,” they said. “Prepare for your adventure, December 27.”
We did. We left on that day for London, Copenhagen and Singapore.
Carolyn Page – ABC of Spirit Talk