Day 13 – A Journey of My Spiritual Experiences (Listen while you read)
Today I did a surprising reflection. It was for the Dog Family in general.
When doing the reflections I attune to the energy of the being and write the words that do justice to those energies.
Even whilst writing the words, I found myself in deep contemplation. Was this really true? Are we to only give 10% of ourselves to others?
Once I had completed the reflection I made the audio and listened to it a number of times. I realised that I am/was one of those who thought that I needed to give much of myself away. How much; I don’t know. However, I know that, even as a youngster, my life revolved around doing for others. If it wasn’t looking after my younger twin sisters and young brother, it was counselling my father.
I laugh inwardly as I write. I am now quite amused to see myself as a young girl of 8 or 9 at the dining table with my father trying to persuade him to have a more compassionate viewpoint toward life. In fact I believed, from an even earlier age, that my role in life was to ‘be there’ for everyone.
As a young girl I learned that my younger siblings were in my care. Wherever we went they were by my side. I took this on-board quite literally and projected this attitude into everything I did. I was always placing others first; and felt quite proud of this. How wrong, I now realise, was my attitude. I carried this same belief into all of my doings and all of my years. I can recall my mother saying to me when I mentioned to her that my first husband wanted to leave the city and move to a country town. “Well,” she said. “You have made your bed; now you must lie in it.” In other words; you must do as someone else wants you to do regardless of your thoughts and feelings. In fact,; those beliefs have followed me through to today to some degree or another.
Yes, I was surprised to hear, feel and write the words that only 10% of our ‘self’ need be lavished upon others, whilst retaining 90% of ourselves for ourselves. And, what a relief! When I think upon it a little more deeply, I can see that there has been a gradual shift to ‘taking care of me’ more and more; as the past few years has clearly shown. And, if I was to search for a percentage I believe that percentage would be now very close to, if not 90/10; which pleases me very much.
I am now a lover of doing things for myself; something that took so many years to embrace. I used to think that those who spent time on themselves were selfish. Indeed, I would criticise them (within my mind) for being hedonistic. My goodness, how my beliefs have changed.
I am now appreciating that one needs love for oneself in order to do for oneself. Without self love we aren’t motivated to enjoy ourselves, or do for ourselves. My life has certainly changed from the little girl who was made to believe that her only value was doing for others. Today is a bright new day, thank goodness. Today I do enjoy doing for others; however, not at my own expense, as was the case of yesteryear.
During my years of counselling as a medium I toiled sometimes from daylight to well into the evening giving out information; for the most part, unpaid. I had a belief that what I had was a gift and that it should be shared with others who weren’t as fortunate as me. Today I appreciate that, if what I can do is a gift, then surely those who can draw, or paint, or take wonderful photographs, or write wonderful novels, etc., etc., also have been given a gift. I am certain that those individuals would not feel that they must share their gift with others freely. This is a nonsense and lacks honouring the individual concerned. The same can be said for me, I realise today. And yet, for so many years, I burdened myself with the needs of others. So yes; I am coming to terms with the fact that 90/10 is a good balance.
Carolyn Page – ABC of Spirit Talk