Day 3 – A Journey of My Spiritual Experiences (Listen while you read)
She was 10 when we parted. A beautiful child; I adored her. During my marriage to her father I had fallen into the habit of taking a drink with him; this ‘kept him home’. I couldn’t ever drink; I was a one drink wonder.
I remember my first drink at the age of 16. It was a Pimms. I can remember standing on the stairs at my first lover’s home; we were neither up nor down. I can remember taking a drink and enjoying the taste. I can’t remember any of the evening. He said that I thoroughly enjoyed myself and was happily telling jokes and, in general, chatting to all and sundry. I was aghast; I couldn’t remember any of it, and, I didn’t ‘know’ any jokes, so how had I managed to be entertaining? He assured me that it had happened; how could I disbelieve; he was an honest young man.
However, this wasn’t the case now; now I was married to a man who wanted to be down the hotel drinking the hours away; and the money. I agreed to have a drink with him if he would come straight home from work; he agreed. What a silly thing that was. I can’t drink; well not to the extent that I drank with him. So here I was giving him an ultimatum. Either you give up the drink, or we part.
For 3 months he attended Alcoholics Anonymous. I also attended a few meetings with him and found myself identifying with much of what I heard. Could I too have a drinking problem? It certainly was causing me to have blackouts; times when I couldn’t remember what I’d done. It certainly became a habit. It had certainly made me very ill. Could it be? Could it really be? I attended Alanon; a fellowship for those affected by the drinker. However, I identified more with the A.A. members than I did with the Alanon members. I began to go to the A.A. meetings as well.
He gave up on the fellowship and found solace in the company of others who preferred to drink. We parted; such a relief. I attended A.A. meetings for 6 years whilst I got my life ‘back in order’. I developed a strong respect for alcohol over that period of time. However, I couldn’t agree with many of the philosophies. Increasingly I found myself objecting to remarks about the lack of personal responsibility. I felt deeply responsible for all of my actions. I couldn’t blame them on a substance that I’d willingly put inside my body.
Eventually I left. I’d had a great grounding in life by my time spent in the fellowship. I’d met some incredible people; had learned to speak in public; had gained enormous insight into myself, and was so appreciative of the ways in which I’d been able to make amends to those I’d harmed. This was so important to me. I took absolute responsibility for all of my actions, and was so very thorough in my amends making.
During this time of soul searching I’d discovered a deep love for a God of my understanding. I attended a number of churches; investigated many of the popular religions including the eastern religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism, and found many ideals that favoured living a decent, constructive way of life. I took to many religious philosophies with great fervour. There was always one problem though; the individuals within the organisations left me somewhat cold. You see; I can read people very well. Many of the people I came across in these organisations, I found to be so hypocritical; they caused me to doubt the validity of the teachings.
However, I enjoyed this time and it was during this time I began to meditate. A.A. had been the beginning of this wonderful form of mind relaxant. It was during the meetings that I would spend much of the time devoted to silence. I had always enjoyed silence and, during those moments sitting in the meetings, I allowed my mind to rest.
When eventually I left the fellowship I felt inspired to pass on the benefits that I’d found in my meditations. I advertised and it wasn’t long before a number of individuals answered and were coming into my home each week to enjoy the peace and serenity that was meditation.
This began in 1989. It is hard to recall just how it happened; however, a voice spoke to me. The voice (within my mind) said that it was my great uncle Arthur. I hadn’t heard my parents speak of someone by this name. He said that I was to ask my mother for confirmation. I did, and she confirmed that there had been a man by that name in the family tree.
And so it began. Uncle Arthur began to counsel me. He offered advice and brought me bunches of flowers; yes, I was also beginning to see things that I’d never seen before; spiritual things; spirit and things that amazed me.
It had first happened when I was nine. Lying in bed, drifting off to sleep, he appeared. He was wearing a blue t-shirt. In the dark of the night I thought it was odd that I could see his t-shirt. The energy was non-threatening. However, when he bent to kiss me I panicked and ran into my parent’s bedroom. It was late; I was a late night owl. I awoke them and hurriedly told my mother what had happened. I was taking quite a risk; we weren’t allowed in my parent’s bedroom. She turned to my father and said, “She has seen him, Charles.” Yes, I understood so many things in that moment. She had spoken about dreams that she’d had; they’d come true. She hadn’t ever spoken about ghosts. However, now I knew that she had seen the blue t-shirted man, and I felt comforted.
Carolyn Page – ABC of Spirit Talk